Anna Dyson with Roseanna Chew

Anna Dyson with Roseanna Chew

podcasts
Anna Dyson with Roseanne chew

Our Autumn artist of the Season Anna Dyson discusses her work with Roseanna Chew.

Louise Amelia Phelps with Roseanna Chew

Louise Amelia Phelps with Roseanna Chew

podcasts
louise Amelia phelps with Roseanne chew

Our Summer artist of the season explores her art practice, in conversation with Roseanna Chew. Louise’s precious and sacred skills thread joy from fauna & flora to become works of art, warmth and magic. We’re thrilled to have showcased her beautiful work throughout Summer 2020.

Neurodivergent Writers Showcase

Neurodivergent Writers Showcase

podcasts
neurodivergent writers showcase

A selection of writing from our most recent Neurodivergent Writers Workshop. Read by Magical Women founder Elinor Rowlands.

“No you’re not” – a portrait of autistic women

“No you’re not” – a portrait of autistic women

events
“No you’re not” – a portrait of autistic women

When a woman discloses that she’s autistic, the reaction is often, “But you don’t look autistic,” or even a straight denial, “No you’re not.” This insightful and moving series of portraits and interviews by photographer Rosie Barnes allows the voices and experiences of autistic women to be heard.

HANNAH

For too many years there has been a persistent untruth that autism is rare in girls and women. The use of classic autistic male characteristics for diagnostic parameters has meant that generations of women have been overlooked and often arrive at a diagnosis decades after their male counterparts. These women may have careers, relationships and families of their own. I wanted people to understand the very real differences that they have been carrying with them throughout their lives, masking their true selves to enable them to pass for ‘normal’ in a neurotypical society that has not acknowledged or supported them – at the cost of their mental health.

This group of women, the majority here diagnosed within the past four years, are the least likely to be believed to be autistic. The irony is that their struggles are often greater because of their achievements, often in education or work, meaning they are even less likely to be believed and more likely to be misunderstood. I wanted to enable these women to tell their stories and to challenge our understanding and acceptance of different neurotypes in a society where there are so few opportunities to be seen or heard.

 

LAUREN

“You don’t look autistic.” The number of times I’ve heard that – I mean, what am I supposed to look like?! Nobody questions a man when they say they’re autistic; the reaction would be more, “Let’s see how we can help you.” But with a woman, it’s “Well, you’ve managed so far…”

I’ve always loved cars. Cars, space, history and reading. I’ve no interest in hair, make-up, shopping or going out for lunch. I seem to have honed in on a masculine environment. I’d rather roll my sleeves up and work on my cars. But it doesn’t seem to fit the stereotypical way a 45-year-old mother of three should be living. I really struggle to understand people and figure out what they mean, but it’s much easier with men. Guys tend to say it how it is and I can say it back how it is. They are quite blunt and I prefer that.

When the pressure gets too much, I do have meltdowns: autistic overwhelm. I’ll curl up and cry. I have panic attacks where I clam up and freeze, or my jaw goes tight and I can’t speak. To be able to function again, I regulate myself by listening to a piece of music on repeat 35 times, over and over, while stroking my hair – stimming. It happens quite a lot, but of course nobody sees that.

Learning more about myself means I can function better and I’m happier. There’s a lot of joy in my life. I’ve stopped masking, which has given me more energy, more confidence and I’ve made better relationships. For years I thought I just needed therapy to fix the problems I had, but when I was told I was autistic, I realised it isn’t something that can be fixed. I am just me. I tell people who are close to me that I have social difficulties, this is just who I am, and if they don’t like it, then that’s on them. Nobody asks a visually impaired person to make more of an effort to see.

BELINDA & HEIDI

I want any girl who sees my portrait to be able to relate and to know that she is not alone. You can be Black and autistic. You can stay true to yourself and take strength and power from that.

I basically raised myself. Masking was a coping mechanism but also a survival technique, because I was the outcast everywhere. I was highly intelligent, on the Gifted and Talented register. I went to a mostly white school where I was never going to fit in. I was bullied and excluded, because I’m Black, because of my socio-economic situation, because I’m a woman.

I used to be adamant that masking was solely negative, but I do feel it’s sometimes beneficial, as it enables me to suppress my challenges and excel in neurotypical society. That is how I have survived. When I’m in work, I’m the most valuable player in the team, no matter what level or what industry. It doesn’t matter when you’ve subconsciously mastered masking.

I do realise it’s unsustainable, though. I have really bad social anxiety: it could take me five hours to leave my house, which could include me being sick and having multiple panic attacks.

But the people I’ve been most rejected and dismissed by are Black people. My own family, the people who I’ve grown up with. This is because of the stigma that my culture associates with disability, with mental health. I am very easily triggered and get very defensive of my safety because I’ve had an autistic meltdown misconstrued as a mental health crisis. I’ve been sectioned because of it, whilst crying, “I’m autistic, I have ADHD, I am Lauren, I’m present. This is the date. There’s nothing wrong with me. I support others, I speak at conferences, I consult the NHS.”

They see a Black woman who they’ve been told is angry, aggressive and all these other racial stereotypes. So you’re even more invisible as a Black autistic woman, invisible to the people who hold the keys to help, because they’re busy taking notes on your background and not actually listening to you. It’s something that just needs to stop, it really does.

People see what’s on the surface and think that I’m outgoing, confident, eloquent, outspoken. It makes me feel trapped. I’ve had a lifetime of misdiagnosis, knowing I needed help, but not knowing what help to ask for, so never receiving any – something that’s not changed, even with a diagnosis.

MARGARET

I wouldn’t actually want to be any different. My ability to notice things and my obsessive interests have brought me a lot of joy over the years, and I wouldn’t have sacrificed these, even with the social difficulties I’ve had.

I remember a meeting with a Junior Minister, when my boss said to me afterwards, “You really shouldn’t have told him you would take his ideas into consideration when you make the decision. He’s the one who will make the decision.” I had no idea I was coming across like this. I’m terribly bad with hierarchies. I can talk to people one human to another, but I can’t talk up or down. I don’t “know my place”. 

I’ve had two novels published, but while I love the research and writing, I find the publishing and marketing excruciating. Launch parties and putting myself “out there” for interviews with the media are just not my thing. But it’s what publishers expect you to do. It’s like telling someone you’re an experienced deep-sea diver and then hearing them say, “That’s great, now go and climb Everest.”

Seven decades of not knowing has taken its toll. I’m pretty good at masking, but it’s hard to know where the real me is. Autistic people are often perceived as weird. Don’t you think we’d try to hide our autism if we can, if the alternative is to have people ridicule or reject us or tell us we’re broken? That’s what we use our intelligence for – to act the part of ‘normal’.

It’s vital that people understand that women can be autistic too, otherwise many women are condemned to live a kind of half-life, with talents never fully expressed or recognised. I feel that speaking out may be the best way I can express the true me in what remains of my life.

Religious Women & Goddesses

Religious Women & Goddesses

online exhibitions
Religious Women & Goddesses

A Community Exhibition brought to you by Magical Women artists & Magical Women community artists from our Facebook Group.

Before you enter…
You might notice something
tricksy
The art might be messier
Photos at odd angles
That sort of thing.

Community Art is about
embracing the doodles
the ideas
sketches
all sorts!
It’s a messy mind that creates
art!
Welcome in!

gallery
poetry

Originating from an ancient Celtic spiritual tradition is Samhain, a pagan religious festival.

In modern times, Samhain (a Gaelic word pronounced “sow-win”) is usually celebrated from October 31 to November 1 to welcome in the harvest and guide in “the dark half of the year.”

Samhain marks the time when the barriers between the physical world and the spirit world break down, allowing more interaction between humans and denizens of the Otherworld.

Samhain was marked by ancient Celts as being the most significant of the four quarterly fire festivals. It took place at the midpoint between the fall equinox and the winter solstice.

This time of year saw hearth fires in family homes left to burn out while the harvest was gathered.

After the harvest work was complete, celebrants joined with Druid priests to light a community fire using a wheel causing friction that would spark flames.

The wheel represented the sun and was used along with prayers and sacrificed cattle for participants to take a flame from the communal bonfire back to their home to relight the hearth.

Early texts indicate that Samhain was a mandatory celebration lasting three days and three nights (although it says six in other places!) where the community was required to show themselves to local kings or chieftains. If they failed to participate then this resulted in punishment from the gods, usually illness or death.

It was believed by the Celts that the barrier between worlds was breachable during Samhain, so offerings were left outside villages and fields for faeries, or Sidhs.

Ancestors might cross over during this time as well, and Celts would dress as animals and monsters to prevent faeries from being tempted to kidnap them.

Specific monsters associated with the mythology surrounding Samhain included:

– A shape-shifting creature called a Pukah that receives harvest offerings from the field.

– The Lady Gwyn, a headless woman dressed in white who chases night wanderers and was accompanied by a black pig.

– The Dullahan sometimes appeared as impish creatures. They were also sometimes headless men on horses who carried their heads. Riding flame-eyed horses, their appearance was a death omen to anyone who encountered them.

– Finally, a group of hunters known as the Faery Host also haunted Samhain to kidnap people.

– Similar are the Sluagh, who would come from the west to enter houses and steal souls.

The Middle Ages saw fire festivals being celebrated much more. Bonfires known as Samghnagans were more personal Samhain fires nearer farms and became a tradition, purportedly to protect families from faeries and witches.

Carved turnips attached to strings on sticks called Jack-o-lanterns began to appear, embedded with coal. Later Irish tradition switched to pumpkins.

In Wales, men tossed burning wood at each other in violent games and set off fireworks. In Northern England, men paraded with noisemakers.

But what of the Magical Women, those right now those who stand staring at us, through us, who are all around us, dancing, inviting us to dance with them.

Won’t you dance?

Won’t you dance with our Ghostly Women?

I am a Queen
Magnificent being
I am an Empress
Goddess supreme
I am worshipped
I am adored
I taste the blood on my avenger’s sword
I am moon flight – I am solar
The blackest hole – the brightest star
the sparkle – feather of the Nightjar
Small beak – big mouth – gape into the dark
Feeding on small pleasures – beat my (he)art
the glisten – the vision – the listening ear
the spine of the temple of the book
the words you spell and weave – supply the succour – hold you up
caught in a web – a thorny bush – delving – look
a spell in my finger makes me bleed – a tiny scrape of wood
could kill me – yet battle storms – o’ercome threats – to protect my loves
Spelt – I grow – to feed your bellies – swell your ego – delve at your leisure – caress my flesh
My body is yours at MY behest
Now the tide’s turned – equal measures
no more 47s to say no to pressure
flashes of magic on 220 buses rake my ashes
walking gravelly paths through graveyards absorbing the bones
breathing in praise of the Magical wise ones
Awesome enchantress – behold my bladed tongue
sovereign gold autumn chanter – yours for the taking but
take care to smear – to wear out my trust – ashes to ashes – you are dust

Mantra

I am a Queen
A magnificent being
I am an Empress
A Goddess supreme
I am worshipped
I am adored
I am the blood on my avenger’s sword
I am a moon flight
I am a star
I am the sparkle
In the wing of the Nightjar

— AWESOME ENCHANTRESS BY WENDY YOUNG

Did you come as wildness?
As barely there, barely existing, stuck between worlds
In limbo?
Did you come as trying her hardest?
Or as the enchantress who beckons.
Did you come as the dancers in flight as a trio?

Or
Did you turn to fire?
A flame
A silhouette
A once was and never more?
A who are you and who am I?
A wondering?
A stream of thoughts and wilding.

Did you come as
A forever and ever more
A forever and never burns out
A memory existing in the walls
haunting the entire dance? 

Here she is naked
As naked as a flame
Her nipples
Ripe
And her curves
a delight but what of those in costume
and masked?
What of those who reveal the second skin,
the new layer of the archetype
of their soul?

There is a transformation happening
during Samhain and it occurs
when we choose our Halloween Costume
because our Halloween costume
evokes deep inside which is more permanent,
that which is archetypal,
which is more eternal within us than the
secular character that we represent in the world.

“What have you come as? ”

“A feline? ”

“Ah, un très chic…. suited and booted feline of the night…”
They do say the best come in threes…

“Or a nude along a chaise longue… red of course!

Of course!”
And if you will not dance,

If you’ve not already stolen a glance…

Prepare to be taken into a trance with us,
Surrender your body and come dance with us.

 

 

Under a fire burnt sky

by the light of a full moon,

by the hearth of the fire in our homes.

“What does it mean
to be a ghostly woman?
To be existing in and breathing in
these other worlds ?

To let these other worlds merge?

What does it mean to dream of things beyond the glass? ”
“Paying close attention to the message we leave behind”

“Play
Experiment
Pay Attention
Beware!

We hope you will come again! ”

Brought to you by Magical Women Neurodivergent Women Artists